I've never really been a particularly big risk taker. I don't really like doing potentially dangerous or painful stuff and anything that is likely to scare me is just out of the question. But there's always been the option of doing it if I so changed my mind and decided to.
Similarly, I never quite got around to traveling the world, living and working overseas or doing anything like that either. I did a fair bit of travel as a child but as an adult, I haven't been overseas by myself or with a friend, only with my dad and sister. Saving is not my forte.
I am however, quite good at daydreaming and making plans. Wild, crazy plans that don't ever really come into fruition. Or even just big plans, that aren't really wild or crazy, just involve a lot of work. It's the procrastinator in me.
There's always the thought of 'one day'.
When I was in high school it was 'One day I'll be a famous fashion designer or a famous author.'
When I was at uni it was 'One day I'll save up and go and work overseas for a couple of years.'
When I started work it was 'One day I'll save lots of money and build a nice home.' and 'One day I'll go on a big overseas holiday.'
And of course there were many small things in between.
One day I'll get my motorbike license.
One day I'll go skydiving.
One day I'll get my ears re-pierced (after they closed up)
One day, when I decide what to get and where, I'll get a tattoo.
You know, small things that you think that you could really do at any old time. Until you become immunosuppressed with a new liver. And then you think, should I realllllllllly be doing those things?
Yes, it's my life and I can make the decisions I want, but I don't feel like it is quite just my life anymore. I'm not quite living for two but I feel that taking unnecessary risks is a bit careless and disrespectful. Like riding a motorbike or skydiving. Like putting holes in my body when my immune system is compromised and I will always be at risk of infection and always heal slower than everyone else. I feel like I need to make something of my life. Be useful, do good things - not just everyday good things, but big helping-lots-of-people good things. I need to do something to deserve my new liver.
I can't imagine myself ever going to Bali, Africa, India or any third world country without feeling completely paranoid about germs, infections and dodgy food. I already feel somewhat paranoid about dodgy food in my own house and the thought of germs when I go back to work next term seriously gives me the willies. Now, if I'm completely honest, I never really wanted to go to any of those places anyhow because I am a very fussy eater and a wuss but now that I not-quite-can't-but-really-it's-so-risky-I-shouldn't, I have that childlike tendency creeping around my mind thinking I'm gonna do it just coz they said no. I just can't help it.
I've been thinking of all the things I'm glad I did before I got ill and needed a transplant...
Like paintballing. Paintballing is probably not very good or safe for relatively new livers and sensitive scars.
And climbing the Gloucester Tree all the way to its 72m tall top, by myself. Unnecessary risktaking.
Getting my tongue pierced, also all by myself because no one thought I would do it so I wanted to prove them wrong. Germs and infections.
Going for a ride on the back of a dirt bike over jumps, probably my biggest adrenaline rush ever. More unnecessary risktaking.
Going to Thailand and riding an elephant through the jungle on the back of its neck. Germs, infections and dodgy food.
Five things. There might be more, but nothing is springing to mind currently. Five risktaking adventures is not really very many and I'm a bit sad about that. Not quite regretful, just like that era of my life has passed. I'm sure that there will be many more adventures to come in my life. And really, a liver transplant is quite a risk taking, germ and infection filled adventure in itself I suppose, just not one I would have had on my list of things to have a go at...
What are your 'One day' things or things you look back on and are glad you tried them?
9 comments:
I'm exactly the same! I've never been a risk taker, always the sensible one.
I've only been overseas (if you class NZ as overseas) for a work trip. I was always too busy working hard and paying a mortgage.
In my twenties I would never have considered getting a tattoo, but now that I can't have one, I want one!
Like you I have always wanted to live and work either overseas or interstate. Just to experience the lifestyle of work and play, instead of what you see when you travel which is the touristy version. I refuse to say that my one day wont happen because you never know and you should never say never.
Funny that tendency to want things we can't/shouldn't have. I know I'm going to want a nice glass of wine next time we go out for dinner, of course I won't while I'm pregnant. I got my tongue pierced in my twenties too, I did love it but one day it just wasn't me any more. Really I'm just glad I finally wised up and stopped dating guys that were bad for me, I'm happy with my boring life.
Just wrote and lost my original comment. You are totally worthy of your new liver great deeds or not. I thought your list sounded pretty impressive, I didn't even realize it was short till you pointed it out. I'm not so into scary now I'm older and have a sense of my own mortality, I love my safe, boring life, and find nothing more exciting than making a quilt :) I think I've always been a nanna at heart but couldn't admit it when I was younger. Though I did have my tongue pierced and a motorbike instead of a car...
I've not done anything risky! I have ridden a motorbike but thats about it - I didn't make it past the first platform of the Gloucester tree. Oh well, I think I'm happy being boring!
PS. I think you have plenty of other achievements to be satisfied with. I don't believe risky things are necessarily the measurement of making the most of life.
I am thinking of skydiving later this year to celebrate my 50th birthday.....still thinking, not sure if I can do it as I am really scared of heights but also thinking I want to do something to mark the passing of a milestone :-)
I'm definitely not a risk-taker or adventurous person either Megan. No working overseas or jumping out of planes or anything like that for me either. I think you've already done lots of hair raising things and in no way should you feel you have to 'earn' your liver xx
I agree wholeheartedly: no unnecessary risks. Life is precious and I don't think one should play fast and loose!! I am sure some new goals will make themselves know to you!!!
I'm not a risk taker at all, I suppose to some my life might be boring but I am happy with it. It is hard, I imagine, to know that those things you could do are now things you can't do but try and look at all the great things you've done and all the great things that you can still do. Live a life that makes you happy, you are deserving of that liver and deserve to have as much fun as you like. Sometimes I wish that I had a little bit more of a rebellious streak in me when I was younger but these days I have a far more exciting time keeping up with my younger one and keeping her in check, she has a bit of a spirited personality:) x
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