Pinterest is an enabler.

It really is.

It's like a having six demanding small children in regards to the levels of multitasking skills necessary.

And like giving coffee to an insomniac.  At 2am.

Here I am having a computer day (because it's too hot to do anything else productive (even though it is now well into the night/early morning and not hot at all)), setting up my new blog and TPT store (more on this soon), purchasing clipart to create things to sell, creating about three different teaching packages for me to use (and hopefully sell) all at once until I get to the point where I need a particular picture to complete it and then heading off to search for more clipart to buy on etsy.

And then along comes a great idea so I pin it to pinterest.  And then I have a quick look and see six other things I want to make/find out more about so off I go to to get started on all of those. 

I've also got two half written blog posts on the go, not including this one, a picture I'm editing in ribbet for one of the blog posts, three different finder windows open as I sort through my new clipart purchases as they are emailed to me and file them accordingly, font book open to look at the new font package I just purchased, a word document and a powerpoint document, plus what feels like 37 tabs in firefox (but is probably more like 15) on the go.

And then I find another great idea on a blog I am flicking through, pin in and the cycle starts again.


It could go on for days if I didn't need to sleep.  (Sometime soon...  ish.)




I'm sure this is not just me...  right?!


   

If shiny was a taste

Because we all eat raw egg and sugar mixes right? Right!?

...it would be raw meringue batter.  Don't you think?  It is just so slippery and smooth and shiny in your mouth.

I am all about adding to a word's sensory descriptability.  And all about creating entire new words altogether apparently.  Descriptiveness?  Oh look, no red squiggles.  I still think descriptability sounds better.  And it follows the rules of suffix addition and it makes sense to everyone - unless that's just me - so it should already be a word, right?

But back to the initial lingual argument.

I don't often use the word 'scent', I'm more inclined to say 'flavour'.  As in, 'What flavour is that candle?'  Taste still gets to use flavour too though.  Scent is just somewhat defunct in my vocabulary.

And afterall, other words get to be multisensory.  The kitten can look and feel soft and the cake can smell and taste sweet.  Why can't meringue batter look and taste shiny?



What word would you like to imbue with an extra sensory meaning?  And for extra points, what would you use it to describe?

Last night's dessert

Defunct words

This morning I used the word 'leisure'.  As in "All I'm doing is sitting around waiting for doctors to do tests on me at their leisure."

I don't think I've ever said the word leisure before.

In fact, unless associated with American cruise ship goers 'leisure-wear', I don't think I really ever hear that word anymore.

For that matter, 'defunct' is not something I think I have ever said either, and yet I know it.  No doubt I have read it somewhere.

I read another awesome word in a book recently, if only I could remember what it was, that I thought needed a reintroduction to today's society.  This was a popular word from the 1800's.  Give me time, I may remember it and come back and edit this.

What words can you think of that are reaching their use by date?  Or just words you don't really say very often at all?

And do you have any really great words you think people should say more?  Such as nincompoop.  Are we about ready for that one to do a come back tour?

Temptation

How good are you at resisting temptation?  In whatever form it takes?  Are you strong?  Do you cave in quickly?  Do you pretend to be strong but then when no one is watching, cave in after all?

I'm not asking this with chocolate in mind, oh no.  Nor shopping (which is way more addictive for me than chocolate).  No, today I'm asking this because it is 1.30pm and all I can think about is how I would really like to crawl back into bed for a nap.  I've been up for a total of 4 hours people, 4 measly hours.

I had a dreadful sleep last night, kept waking up, nightmares, the works.  I totally blame it on going to bed by my new prescribed bedtime of 11pm, first night of success - yay! - but if it means feeling like this the next day then pfft, I'm going back to bedtimes the wrong side of midnight.  My head is so fuzzy it doesn't even feel like I've woken up yet.

I have a nice long list of things to do; some fun, some not so much so I have plenty to keep me busy.  I know that if I have a nap I definitely will not make my 11pm bedtime tonight.  And I suspect that if I make it without the nap, it's going to get to 10pm and all of a sudden I will finally feel awake.  It's a lose lose situation.  I'm going to attempt the no-nap situation.  But it's gonna be hard folks.

For the record, I'm the quick cave in-erer.

Odd things that gross you out

The only picture I could think of that
wouldn't be totally disgusting

I have been religiously oiling my scar with Bio Oil, Dermatix and now Vitamin E oil daily, twice most days.  I wonder if its best to stick to one type of oil?  I don't want to risk missing out on the super scar remover oil, whichever one it may be so I'm just rocking them all.  Plus, the Dermatix is expensive! $60 for a finger sized tube. And it is very sticky so it only goes on at night when I can walk around with my singlet folded up around my boobs for an hour or so.  Thank goodness it's Summer!  And apologies for the lovely imagery I've left you with there.

So anyhow, onto the odd stuff that grosses me out.  Belly button fluff.  I cannot stand it.  It is Deeeesgusting.  MR gets it a bit, generally blue from his blue singlets.  Yuck.  It really does gross me out quite a bit.  After my operation my belly button (which is normally as round as round gets) was squashed shut and I was quite paranoid that it would be full of yukky stuff.  And now, with all the oiling of the scar, my belly button is collecting fluff and turning it into soggy mush. Gross!

The other odd thing that makes me squirm is other people's feet.  Particularly male feet.  Male feet in my experience are smelly, dirty, unmaintained, scraggly nailed things.  Yuck.  But I wouldn't really want to touch a strange (or familiar, unless it is my own) foot either.  And the odd thing about that is that I worked in a shoe shop for five years.  And I had the anti other people's feet thing before I worked there!


So I'm interested, at this ungodly hour in which I should be asleep, in what grosses you out.  Not the normal things like spiders and snakes (which totally gross me out too - the way snakes move - eugh!) but the odd stuff.  Stuff that maybe isn't gross or disgusting really but it SO is to you.

::100th post:: A Year of Good Things

This past week I have been eagerly awaiting the departure of 2011 and the onset of 2012.  I often get that limbo-ish feeling between Christmas and New Years but this year was particularly limbo filled.  My headspace has been having difficulty trying to find positives and keeping on getting consumed in the negatives.  I feel I need to move forward but I'm somewhat restricted in all too many ways.

Not what you want to post about as your 100th post.  This should be some cheerful post about the Christmas aftermath but there is a severe lack of 'perky' happening over my way.  Not that there ever is much.  Luckily, Pip is always abound with perkiness and has come to the rescue of with A Year of Good Things.  Thank goodness.

2012, I don't know what you have in store for me.  I'm hoping it will be filled with all sorts of positives and new adventures and lots of healthiness but even if it's not I'm going to join in with A Year of Good Things and do my bit to make the year good for myself, myself.  And for other people.  And my meow.  And the environment.  And anything else that catches my sight along the way.

You should join in too.


A Year of Good Stuff
1/366 ::For my pet:: I bought some prawns at the supermarket for her dinner.  She Loves prawns.

Fragility

Lovely, complicated wrappings 

sheath the gift of one day more

Breathless, I untie the package - 

never lived this day before. 

Gloria Gaither

A friend sent me this message this evening.  Right when I was feeling the need to escape.  Jump on a plane and fly away from my life, preferably leaving my new liver, a big ugly scar, a dose of leukaemia and big box of drugs behind.

Not asking too much am I?

Lucky I have a wonderful friend who knows when I need her and an absolutely amazing boy who listens to me sob over the phone.  I find it hard when My Rock is away.  I think I have developed too strong a dependence on him.

I also think I've reached the 'why me?' stage.  I just want my old normal back.

I try to hide the tears and anxiety behind Christmas excitement but it still manages to ooze out of the edges.

Particularly at night.


So I will lie under the Christmas tree looking up at the pretty lights and read my friend's message and try to stay positive.  And try to channel sleep.


It is my first counsellor visit tomorrow morning.  Well today seeing as it is 2.30am.  I am apprehensive but relieved all at the same time.  I can't believe I've been through all this and am only finally having access to a counsellor.  9 weeks post surgery today.  Perhaps that explains a few things...
 

Massive Changes

So I'm back.  A whole new me with a whole new liver.  Slightly crazy? Yes.  In fact, really crazy if you ask me.  It's been a bit of a whirlwind few months for me and I'm still waiting for my head to catch up.

My medication I was on for CML had an extremely bad reaction with my liver, causing it to go into failure.  Unfortunately it was too late to do anything about it except put me on the waiting list for a transplant.  I was incredibly lucky and got one quite quickly.  It is very surreal to be woken up by nurses saying "You're getting a liver!" and then having to ring family to tell them.

This is a very very brief overview post, just to catch you up.  As I get my head around everything I'm sure there will be some amusing hospital anecdotes and succinct posts about life after liver transplant.

In the meantime though, it's great to be home, alive and semi healthy.  And with lots and lots of spare time on hand for crafting, resting, reading and relaxing!

Something's missing

 

via weheartit 

  

 

My blogging mojo is on the blink a bit lately.  Life feels a bit repetitive and my vitality is a bit drained.

I am on the whole feeling a bit blah.  

My tiredness has disappeared enough to mostly feel normal, except when I do something.  Heaven forbid.  I manage work okay for the most part but my weekends need to be nice and restful.  Doing something on the weekend leaves me needing a weekend to recover.  And by doing something I mean going out for dinner and having one drink and being in bed by 11.  Or walking around a street market for a couple of hours.  Ridiculous.  This illness is supposed to be manageable and I am supposed to be able to lead a perfectly normal life and no one is supposed to even be able to realise there is anything wrong with me.  Why am I not able to achieve this?  My specialist is not at all concerned by anything I am experiencing and I am left feeling lazy because I am feeling tired and blah and something that describes the feelings of confused/hypochrondiac-ish/annoyed-because-I'm-ill-but-don't-look-ill-and-therefore-can't-reap-the-benefits-of-sympathy .  How incredibly fucked up is that?  Yes, I'm ill and yes I look normal and yes it's great that you're treating me normal but I want someone to realise that I'm incredibly tired and everything is getting way toohardbasket on the two weeks I am home by myself.  (On the one week MR is home he is being super rockish as always and doing LOTS for me and being entirely understanding of everything and encouraging me to relax on the couch while he makes dinner each night)

I don't want to blog about feeling blah though, or about my meds for some reason causing side effects that are starting more than three months after beginning them.  This is not how it is supposed to happen.  After three months the side effects are supposed to disappear, not begin.  Namely a blotchy and (thankfully) nonitchy rash across my tummy and sides that my specialist thinks is caused by my drugs and not to worry about it.  But it's ugly!  I feel unattractive and Blah.  And then there's the occasional throwing up after taking my tablet so violently that that I burst the blood vessels in the skin around my eyes and have little red dots in a mask across my face for the next 24-48 hours.  Specialist's suggestion?  Take anti nausea tablets an hour before you have your medication.  Go and get this brand that is available over the counter.  But wait.  It is not available over the counter which means I have to go to the doctor and spend more money just to get a script written out. *Sigh* And I don't feel nauseous until after taking my tablet and not every day but I don't know what causes it so I am going to have to take it every day which seems like unneccesary drug taking to me.  But throwing up your dinner on random nights is not cool. And even uncooler is stupid burst blood vessels coupled with blotchy rash making me feel super unattractive and BLAH.

But.

I don't want to blog about that.  And I don't want this blog to turn into an account of my life with Leukaemia because I am more than that.  Eventually. 

I am trying to keep in mind that there are so many people out there worse off than me.  That a rash and occasional throwing up is not going to kill me.  That my drugs are doing the job, even though my body is rebelling.  That I don't have to have chemotherapy and a bone marrow transplant.  That really I have nothing to whinge about. 

Because I don't.

But boy do I want to.

Note: If you got this far, well done and apologies.  This was not the post I started out to write but it turns out it was the post that needed to be written.  Perhaps it's time to actually ring the Leukaemia Foundation and find a support group?

 

A spoonful of sugar...

I started my medication today for my CML.  I have been somewhat anxiously awaiting this moment for a couple of weeks now as I really hate swallowing tablets.  Anything bigger than a nurofen and I gag.  Of course, most tablets are bigger than a nurofen and are most definitely not sugar coated so they slide down easily.  Unfortunate.  My tablets (Glivec) are probably a fairly normal powder coated tablet size (slightly larger than a capsule) but the fact that I have to take them every day forever has been building up the anxiety in my mind over how well this is going to go down (literally, if you excuse the pun).  To make matters worse they are a dreadful orangey-poo-brown colour.  Charming.

I realise it's all psychological, this gagging when tablet taking, but it really doesn't help the situation.  I am much better at it now than I was as a teenager but there's still plenty of whinging if anyone is around to provide sympathy.  As a child I just could not do it.  Tablets were crushed up and swallowed with a very very very large spoonful of jam or sweetened condensed milk.  I know this is not an uncommon thing but how strange is it that so many people have a problem with swallowing pills?  We can all swallow large mouthfuls of food.  Easy.  Shovel it in. Yum. But a relatively small hard thing?  No thank you. 

Also, for more of a psychological factor, back when I was diagnosed my specialist gave me some information on the condition and the medication.  Of course, I read this through dilligently and as I came to the three A4 pages long list of side effects a bit more anxiety set in.  What ones will I get?  There are some rather unsavoury ones (but relatively minor on the severity scale) on the list with some quite high percentages of experiencing listed next to them.  Right now, Miss Hypochondriac here is trying not to pay attention to every stomach gurgle or conjure up mysterious aches and pains.  It's quite ridiculous really.  I know they have to tell us everything so we know what to watch out for, but knowing can sometimes be worse because then you just worry yourself into getting the nausea/diarrhea that you may possibly experience.  So then is it from the drugs or from the crazy brain telling you nonsense and making you stress?

It's all in the brain, I'm sure of it.  It's like natural remedies from the naturopath or homeopath working for some people and not for others.  Cynical attitudes deny that it is working so it doesn't.  Believing attitudes believe it will so it does.  So does it work or not?  I know there's a whole lot more to it than that and many studies have been done on the effects of placebos that I really cannot be bothered researching.

All I know is that it has been two hours since I took the tablet and I feel fine.  Yes, I do.  Fine. Completely Fine.

Really.