A spoonful of sugar...

I started my medication today for my CML.  I have been somewhat anxiously awaiting this moment for a couple of weeks now as I really hate swallowing tablets.  Anything bigger than a nurofen and I gag.  Of course, most tablets are bigger than a nurofen and are most definitely not sugar coated so they slide down easily.  Unfortunate.  My tablets (Glivec) are probably a fairly normal powder coated tablet size (slightly larger than a capsule) but the fact that I have to take them every day forever has been building up the anxiety in my mind over how well this is going to go down (literally, if you excuse the pun).  To make matters worse they are a dreadful orangey-poo-brown colour.  Charming.

I realise it's all psychological, this gagging when tablet taking, but it really doesn't help the situation.  I am much better at it now than I was as a teenager but there's still plenty of whinging if anyone is around to provide sympathy.  As a child I just could not do it.  Tablets were crushed up and swallowed with a very very very large spoonful of jam or sweetened condensed milk.  I know this is not an uncommon thing but how strange is it that so many people have a problem with swallowing pills?  We can all swallow large mouthfuls of food.  Easy.  Shovel it in. Yum. But a relatively small hard thing?  No thank you. 

Also, for more of a psychological factor, back when I was diagnosed my specialist gave me some information on the condition and the medication.  Of course, I read this through dilligently and as I came to the three A4 pages long list of side effects a bit more anxiety set in.  What ones will I get?  There are some rather unsavoury ones (but relatively minor on the severity scale) on the list with some quite high percentages of experiencing listed next to them.  Right now, Miss Hypochondriac here is trying not to pay attention to every stomach gurgle or conjure up mysterious aches and pains.  It's quite ridiculous really.  I know they have to tell us everything so we know what to watch out for, but knowing can sometimes be worse because then you just worry yourself into getting the nausea/diarrhea that you may possibly experience.  So then is it from the drugs or from the crazy brain telling you nonsense and making you stress?

It's all in the brain, I'm sure of it.  It's like natural remedies from the naturopath or homeopath working for some people and not for others.  Cynical attitudes deny that it is working so it doesn't.  Believing attitudes believe it will so it does.  So does it work or not?  I know there's a whole lot more to it than that and many studies have been done on the effects of placebos that I really cannot be bothered researching.

All I know is that it has been two hours since I took the tablet and I feel fine.  Yes, I do.  Fine. Completely Fine.

Really.