Monday, 3 September 2012

BFFs or just BFs?

My first best friend was apparently in Kindy. I don't remember him, yes he was a boy, because we moved to the city when I was in year one. In fact, I had forgotten all about him til I saw a photo a couple of years ago of us together and I remembered that his name was Timmy, just like one of our cats. That is all I really remember.

My second best friend was in year one to three. Her name was Danielle and she was an only child. I remember having sleep overs and she had an intercom in her room and her parents would shush us through that. She always had very neat hair and I remember thinking she was cool. We lost touch when we moved back out to the country.

My third best friend was in year three to five. Her name was Nicole and she lived on a farm and only had brothers. We used to play horses at school together. We lost touch when we moved to another country town.

My fourth best friend was from about half way through year six to year eight. It took my a while to make friends in this town and in fact she was probably my only friend. I remember we tried to start up a drawing club and we invited the boys we had crushes on to join. Unsuccessfully. We were not popular. We gradually lost touch after I started boarding school in year eight and then my parents moved back to Perth in year ten.

My fifth best friend I met in year ten. She had just started at my school and we were on camp. We bonded over the awfulness of walking ten kms a day with fifteen kg packs and our very hot camp instructor. Her name is Emily. She is still my best friend. I don't see her very often even though we only live about half an hour from each other. She is one of those crazy (in my mind) fitness people who exercise 5 times a week. We can go months without talking and pick up as if it were only yesterday. But sometimes I wonder, how do you know if the feeling is reciprocated? I know she has other friends she sees more often than me.

Is a best friend just your oldest one? Or the one you see the most? Is she (or he) the one that knows all your dark and dirty secrets or the one that's there at the drop of a hat?

What makes a best friend and what unmakes one?

I have met again all my old best friends except Timmy. Danielle I met again at high school when we went to the same one. We didn't become friends again, let alone best friends. Nicole and I reconnected again when I ended up teaching her daughter. Same story. Kelly and I reconnected through facebook and met up after Run For A Reason earlier this year. We don't really have a lot in common now but I'm sure we'll stay fb buddies.

I haven't really made any good friends since high school. I had friends I met at uni and at jobs I've had but none that have really stuck around or that I could just ring for a chat. Most of the time that doesn't really bother me because I have MR and at the risk of sounding like a smarmy cliche because I believe best friends and partners are different roles, he still sorta is. At the moment though MR is off on a boys trip in Bali for the week and I'm sorta feeling a bit lonely after depleting the one friend I have for a phone call and a chat. There's only so much conversation you can hold with your cat before you want a reply (she's not much of a talker).

This is starting to sound like a pity post when it wasn't supposed to. I'm curious about your BFFs and your opinion on those questions above!


Maggie said...

I am very lucky that I have a couple of close friends from high school and uni that I know will be with me for life. But I left them all in the city! I am making friends where we are now, but I'm not at the just ring for a chat stage.

San @ Made in Hem said...

A best friend is the one you can call in the middle of the night and comes over to watch your children in an emergency, the one you can count on when things are not okay... I think in a big way your best friend is your man, for being still here after all that happened in the past months. When you're in deep shit, lots of friends leave, the ones that are still there when you're getting back on your feet, those are your BFF's!

Making friends in school is easier!
Over the years I made a couple new friends but it takes much longer before you can tell them everything, and still you'll hold back!
I have 5 friends, we see each other every other week and are creative with paper. We all started as scrap bookers but now it's also card making and rubber stamping and sometimes even cake decorating...
I have a couple friends in the knitting cafe, I see them once a month and a couple I also meet in between to visit yarn shops or craft fairs.
I made a couple good friends with the moms I meet when I take my children to school. We try to have a cup once a week.
Sometimes my weeks are to short to keep up with all of them. In school you were sitting next to each other all day and after school there were play-dates. Life was so much easier! :D

Kirsa said...

Great post and question. I guess I am lucky in this one as I have had the same best friend since we were both in grade 2 (thats 41 years). Our lives have gone on totally different paths, but we always come together when we need each other. There have been deaths, and accidents and amazing experiences - and we have shared them all. She married late, I married early. I have kids and she doesnt. She had a career and I just had jobs. She married a rock star and I didnt. But we have come now to the same goals for our future. We make an effort to see each other at least once a month - which sounds strange as we both call each other BBF - but our lives are just different.
You asked what makes a BFF? I think its trust. You trust that person to know you well, to always be there for you, to love you unconditionally, to stand up for you. And yes sometimes a MR can be that person. My Mr is my other BBF!!!

Sarah @ Gladys in the said...

My MR is my BFF. He has been in my life since I was 17 and we have shared so much and he has always been there for me.
I think some friends can come and go. Friends sometimes come into the picture for a reason but are not meant to stay forever. I have a couple of friends who I couldn't imagine life without. I met both of these girls in my late 20's. Sometimes think friends made in adult life can really be a BFF as you usually befriend them for a reason.
I can imagine how you must be feeling not having your MR around at the moment.

2paw said...

Best friends are few and far between, but you are so right. I have some great friends I met when I moved here to teach and we catch up every holidays and it was like we saw each other yesterday. It's easy and nice and that's what makes for a best friend. Best friends put up with all your foibles and listen to you whine and moan and are excited for you when something good happens!!

Amanda said...

I had a best friend in primary school from about year 4 onwards and then we went to separate high schools and had a falling out. In high school, I didn't have a best friend, just a group of close friends, one probably stood out more than the others but after high school, we sort of moved in different directions and I grew apart from that group. I then became best friends with a family friend I'd literally known since we were born (our mother's met us in hospital having us) but once again, as the years moved along and I met Paul, we sort of drifted apart. I often felt like I was the one making all the effort and while we're still friends, I hardly see her and we're by no means best friends. I now have 2 best friends. One I met at 19, she is the wife (then girlfriend) of my cousin and we hit it off and have been best pals ever since. We've supported each other through our dad's dying, babies, marriages and so on and I could ask for her help anytime, ring her to cry/vent/share something with at any time of the day and vice versa. My other friend I met through uni in our second year. To start with, there were four of us and while we're all still friends, this particular one I now call a best friend as she's been SOOO supportive of me. We didn't see each other much in our early years of teaching as she was posted to the country but now she's back, we catch up and are in contact regularly.

I have a few other close friends, who I don't see as often as these two but I don't have a huge circle.