11:30pm - think about going to bed, decide to finish chapter of book first
12:30am - three chapters later, guiltily close book, flap around for twenty minutes brushing and flossing teeth, glaring at stupid pimples, counting current grey hairs, resisting urge to pull them out.
12:50am - procrastinate on phone, Instagram, words with friends, email etc.
1:10am - finally turn out light and try to sleep.
- settle on one side. Stretch
- take slow deep breaths, try to empty mind
- mind resists, find myself counting heartbeats. Heartbeats are way too fast for relaxation. Try to count slow breaths instead. Succeed for count of about 59 and then realise I've reverted to counting heartbeats.
- roll over to other side, stretch.
- wonder how long it will take me to cut out all the monkeys the kids drew at school
- think about what my first day of relief teaching will be like tomorrow (today)
- tell myself to stop thinking about school
- roll over
- think about what clothes I might like to buy with money from relief teaching.
- think about... where is Meow, why can I never sleep when I need too, if anyone else ever gets that weird feeling when they close their eyes to sleep of heaviness and mindless clutter and babble filling their head.
- decide that it's probably just me.
- roll over
- think about... school again, holidays and how I should put away some of my relief teaching money so I have some money, how annoying it is when you have the money to buy a desk you can't seem to find one you like on gumtree, school again, my friend's upcoming wedding down south, where else can I look to find a dress for said wedding, needing to book accommodation for down south, why the hell I am all of a sudden not tired, why am I surprised?
- roll over
- think about... what I need to do this weekend (make two aprons, buy prizes for hens party games, help sister pack and move house, go to Brown Owls), what WIP should I take to Brown Owls, how annoying it was that I never found that bag of craft stuff I misplaced somewhere in the house and had to go buy it again, whether I should apply for a job as a mystery shopper, Christmas present ideas for people, when I might have time to fit in a couple of days visit to MR's parents with him next time he's home, how my sore throat that appeared yesterday morning thankfully seems to have decided to disappear after two doses of panadol.
- feel immensely frustrated at my ridiculous sleeping efforts
- try to switch off brain again by counting breaths.
- instead end up thinking about how I tried the counting backwards theory last night of starting at 1000 and taking away 13 repetitively until you fall asleep. Apparently not many people get below 600. Last nights efforts went all the way to zero.
- ponder on how good I'm getting at mental maths of the -13 variety.
- grumble and sigh.
- realise I'm tapping my teeth together in a fast pattern, put my tongue in between my teeth to make myself stop.
- think about what to tell MR about on the phone tomorrow (first day of relief teaching, remind him to have his birthday card out ready for opening on Sunday morning)
- day dream about how awesome it would be to meet Maggie Alderson on her book tour if she can talk her publishers back into a Perth stop. Feel special because she replied to my comment on her blog about being devastated about lack of Perth visit.
- Think about what I would wear to meet her. Have no luck in coming up with outfit. Decide I need to donate three quarters of my wardrobe to the good sammys and go shopping to reinvent my boring old style.
- wish I had enough money to do so
- decide that even if I did have enough money I'd have no idea where to start. Firmly stuck in 90's fashion of hipster jeans and printed tight tshirts.
- wish I was more stylish
- think about how boring my blog has been lately.
- decide to write inane blog post on the scattered mess (just typed scatteredness and iPhone auto correct changed it to scattered mess, much better!) of my brain at sleep times in an attempt to empty it so I can finally sleep....
2.47am - wish me luck!