Moments in time

It was my blog's first birthday a week ago today and I completely forgot about it.  Poor little blog! My mind has been busy consumed with other dates and events.  A housewarming party, my sister's birthday, numerous doctors appointments, and two very other significant dates.

Firstly, yesterday it was MR's and my first anniversary of moving into our new home together.  So hard to believe we've been here a year, it feels like so much longer and yet so much shorter at the same time. The house looks much the same as when we bought it, we haven't done any renovations or painted it or changed the gardens majorly.  Hopefully now that MR is home for two weeks at a time there might be a bit more time for handyman jobs, which he is very good at! We need new gutters and I think that might be the first Big Job.  They are a yukky reddybrown colour at the moment and I do not like it one bit.  I want a nice dusky blue colour.  And then after he has done that I can have a go at painting all the decorative bits outside that are that yukky colour the nice dusky blue colour.  That seems like a job I could manage.  But before we do any of that, we need to buy a ladder!

Like the blue around the window and under the roof, but certainly not the copper gutters!

The second significant date is tomorrow.  A year ago tomorrow I was diagnosed with leukaemia.  I had a big cry last week when MR was home about the unfairness of life and how nice it would be if it never happened because if that never happened then I would have never needed a liver transplant.  The I Wish Beast struck big time as I thought about all the things we could have done to the house with the extra money we would have had with me working and healthy and MR not having to take all that time off to look after me.  I felt like I was grieving for the old me, because I am now so different from the person I used to be.

I feel like I have been dunked in a bowl full of medical jargon and come out overflowing with terms I had never heard of before but now are everyday; medication names, blood test terms, which vials they need to take blood in for each test, what tests need to be done even though the doctor forgot to put it on the blood test form.  I know the phlebotomists by name.  And I also now know what phlebotomist means.  Words with funny letter combinations that used to sound clunky now roll off my tongue with ease - imatinib, dasatinib, encephalopathy, phlebotomist, endocrinologist, azathrioprine, pretty much all my medications really.  Numbers pour out of my ears, relating to levels of liver function, kidney function, adrenal gland function, lung function, percentages of leukaemia in my body.  They change so regularly it is hard to keep track.  I should write them down, or make a spreadsheet to keep track of it all.  But that would be organised, and I am not!

Now when people say 'how are you?' I wonder if they are asking for the 'good/fine/not bad' response or if they are looking for the medical details of how I am.  How is my liver? How are my kidneys? How are my lungs? How is the leukaemia? It's not that I mind if they are asking about my health, that is fine and I am happy to share and explain all the big clunky sounding words to them, it's just another social uncertainty to add to my list.

I was hoping MR would be home for tomorrow so we could go do something fun to take my mind off it all but he isn't so instead I have invited Sarah around for a sewing afternoon.  Can't mope while you're sewing!