Tuesday, 27 March 2012

Moments in time


It was my blog's first birthday a week ago today and I completely forgot about it.  Poor little blog! My mind has been busy consumed with other dates and events.  A housewarming party, my sister's birthday, numerous doctors appointments, and two very other significant dates.

Firstly, yesterday it was MR's and my first anniversary of moving into our new home together.  So hard to believe we've been here a year, it feels like so much longer and yet so much shorter at the same time. The house looks much the same as when we bought it, we haven't done any renovations or painted it or changed the gardens majorly.  Hopefully now that MR is home for two weeks at a time there might be a bit more time for handyman jobs, which he is very good at! We need new gutters and I think that might be the first Big Job.  They are a yukky reddybrown colour at the moment and I do not like it one bit.  I want a nice dusky blue colour.  And then after he has done that I can have a go at painting all the decorative bits outside that are that yukky colour the nice dusky blue colour.  That seems like a job I could manage.  But before we do any of that, we need to buy a ladder!

Like the blue around the window and under the roof, but certainly not the copper gutters!


The second significant date is tomorrow.  A year ago tomorrow I was diagnosed with leukaemia.  I had a big cry last week when MR was home about the unfairness of life and how nice it would be if it never happened because if that never happened then I would have never needed a liver transplant.  The I Wish Beast struck big time as I thought about all the things we could have done to the house with the extra money we would have had with me working and healthy and MR not having to take all that time off to look after me.  I felt like I was grieving for the old me, because I am now so different from the person I used to be.

I feel like I have been dunked in a bowl full of medical jargon and come out overflowing with terms I had never heard of before but now are everyday; medication names, blood test terms, which vials they need to take blood in for each test, what tests need to be done even though the doctor forgot to put it on the blood test form.  I know the phlebotomists by name.  And I also now know what phlebotomist means.  Words with funny letter combinations that used to sound clunky now roll off my tongue with ease - imatinib, dasatinib, encephalopathy, phlebotomist, endocrinologist, azathrioprine, pretty much all my medications really.  Numbers pour out of my ears, relating to levels of liver function, kidney function, adrenal gland function, lung function, percentages of leukaemia in my body.  They change so regularly it is hard to keep track.  I should write them down, or make a spreadsheet to keep track of it all.  But that would be organised, and I am not!

Now when people say 'how are you?' I wonder if they are asking for the 'good/fine/not bad' response or if they are looking for the medical details of how I am.  How is my liver? How are my kidneys? How are my lungs? How is the leukaemia? It's not that I mind if they are asking about my health, that is fine and I am happy to share and explain all the big clunky sounding words to them, it's just another social uncertainty to add to my list.

I was hoping MR would be home for tomorrow so we could go do something fun to take my mind off it all but he isn't so instead I have invited Sarah around for a sewing afternoon.  Can't mope while you're sewing!


12 comments:

Wendy Sice said...

It must be so hard!

Perhaps your life was going too fast and you were meant to slow down for awhile. Perhaps being sick is what it took for your man to realise just how much he loves you and wants to be with you for keeps? Perhaps, you were meant to have a break from teaching to either reenergise or to find that your true calling is being crafty???

I'm sure these things happen for a reason, even if it seems like a bum deal a lot of the time. :)

I think when my back spasms and I have to lay low for a week, it is to remind me to handle my stress more constructively, rather than bottling or fuming. xx

Christie DescribeHappy said...

Hi *waving*.. just catching up on my reading and wanted to say hi! I admire the strength you project! You may not notice, but look at all the good things you highlighted here. Happy 1st year with your blog... and happy happy 1 year in your house! And there's that strength again... with you reflecting back on your last year winning against medical stuff. Hope your sewing time kicks butt... it's my therapy too!

CurlyPops said...

Gosh what a rollercoaster year you've had! Unimaginable.

I totally get the uncertainty of the 'how are you' question. I usually just say 'good thanks' to get it over with, and just see what happens next.

Hope you have a fun sewing day!

carolyn said...

thanks for bringing me back to reality Megan, i was having a crapola week and a bit of a whine. i have stopped now. i have very little to complain about, and you deal with your situation with such a wonderful attitude. you rock! have fun sewing with sarah.

2paw said...

Happy House Anniversary and well done on the others. I obsessively write down all my numbers, I have my Hb from every test for 11 years. I think it shows that you are taking care of yourself, because you are very aware of what is going on and know what the names all mean!!
I always say 'Well thank you', and sometimes I tell them how I really am if I know them well!!

E. said...

What a lot of firsts. It's been such a huge year for you all. I hope that you had a great day with your friend today. Very sorry that MR couldn't be with you, today.

Seaweed and Raine said...

Hey Megan! It's been far too long since I have popped in!!! You have accomplished a lot of "firsts" in the past year - and quite a few of them happy ones. :) I'm loving that dusky blue you have plans for... Go for it I say!!! I'm sure it will look amazing. Hope your sewing fest is a total blast. :)
S xo

Rhi @ Hummingbird's Song said...

Hi Megan! Happy first birthday for your blog and your house, which by the way is just gorgeous. You've dealt with so much the in the past year, and seem like an incredibly strong woman. Thanks for stopping by my blog xx

Maggie said...

Hi Megan, first off, happy bloggy birthday. I wanted to say hello on your last post about sleep but went to look something up re sleep and well...
Any way, wow, it's certainly been quite a year for you, so much going on! I hope the next year brings more of what you do want and less of what you don't.
Mx

Sally said...

What a year indeed. Totally totally sucks. Hope the banana bread was yummy and you had lots of fun with Sarah.

emma @ frog, goose and bear said...

Megan - just read your comment on Maxabella's I wish post. Profound. You're a wise girl and a brave one. Happy blog and house anniversary. What a huge year of change you've had and although it can get u down u are very good at seeing the silver lining as well. Healthy to acknowledge them both I think.

Amanda said...

What a year it's been for you - one of highs and lows. You sound as though you're coping as well as anyone could given all you've had to deal with medical-wise. An afternoon of sewing sounds lovely x